Gaslighting Masterclass

all levels welcome

People can be so toxic if you let them…

I find it quite incredible. The key to not losing your mind is not to take their behaviour personally, but to understand that it’s often their default. Yes, they do try to get something from you in a sneaky way, because that’s the only thing they learned in childhood that worked.

“It is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.” Mark Twain (attributed)

What helps me with toxic behaviour, is to step back and see the broader context. Where did this person grow up? In what culture? What do their friends sound like? And no, it’s not like I sit there with my arms open saying, “poor you, go ahead and fuck me over.” Not at all. But I try to first separate the behaviour from the person and see if they understand what I mean and actually want to change.

And I have to see it through their behaviour, because saying it only soothes things for a split second. Okay, this person says they want to try and they understand what I mean, let’s see. It’s the actions that make the difference.

I know men who say “I love you” just to tie you down. I’m like, hold up buddy… hold up. I’ve been around long enough while dating to hear enough men say they want to have a baby, not because they truly do, but just to force me into being their girl. Those men clearly couldn’t even fathom the fact that not all women want babies and that those are not exactly flattering words to lead with. Those men obviously stood no chance.

To manipulate someone, you only need to make them doubt their own perception.

But “I love you” very often works. Especially when it comes from someone attractive, someone you’ve been intimate with. But no, I don’t rock like that anymore. That perfectly timed “I love you” only worked on me once. Now you’ll see me already taking my shoe off and throwing it if I hear such audacity too early on.

My word, I was not born yesterday. And girls, if you read this, remember my funny little pattern recognition.

Words are spells. In the sense that what you say is often what you get out of life, but also in the sense that someone can genuinely mesmerise you with their charm while, for them, it’s just a game. Then you’re left behind trying to reach closure and their words keep echoing in your head. You look at the actions and they don’t align. Then you go back to the words. Then back to the actions. Then you slowly lose your damn mind in the process.

How can something feel so wrong when it sounded so good? You feel me? And even worse, when it’s over, somehow you end up wondering if it was all your fault.

It’s bad. It’s really bad. And honestly, I think there should be a special place in jail for people like that. Lying to that level, messing someone with a good heart up like that, should be considered a crime against humanity.

“No man is free who is not master of himself.” Epictetus

So yeah, gaslighting and lying go hand in hand and someone please stop the madness. This is exactly why I usually have no patience for people like that. Honestly, one lie and you’re out. Okay, if I see you fighting for your life for a second chance, maybe you’ll get one … one half chance.

I need to know that you understand the fact that I am unfuckable with. If this is the way some people test whether the person in front of them is “eligible,” then hand me the tennis racket too and let’s go. And you know what? If I do well, we might only need one round.

I don’t even like tennis. I just hate you thinking I don’t know the game.

Some people will ask you a million questions because there’s this expression going around that “interested people are interesting.” So they want to make you feel special, like they’re deeply curious about who you are and what makes you tick.

But no. Sometimes what they’re really doing is figuring out your melody so they can come back with the perfectly matching lyrics.

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” The Usual Suspects (film, 1995)

And this way, they also stay off your radar, because they speak in such a careful tone that you think, “Oh… I’m going to ask him about that later.” “He doesn’t seem to like talking about his… I don’t know, I just pick something… baby mama. Maybe he’s just mysterious. Private. Ugh.” Isn’t that fucked up?

No sis. Ask him the damn question. Ask him what he had for breakfast too, just for the practice of it. You need to start training yourself to ask directly. There has to come a point where you can separate who is genuinely being open in your life and who is carefully managing your perception of them.

So with this article, I would like to draw your attention to some red flags. The kind that catch so many of us, even God’s toughest soldiers.

Actions are louder than words, ladies. And maybe gentlemen too, although I think toxic women probably use different tactics than men, and unfortunately I’m not familiar enough with that side of the coin to speak on it properly.

But actions are louder than words. That should be your compass while navigating the madness called humankind.