Lovers Fight
What relationships reveal about who we really are.
Ow to love and be loved… It’s on top of so many of our heart’s desires, because at the end of the day all that matters is love and peace. And yes Rachel, not just romantic love, but self love as well. But Rachel, this article is not about that. It’s about romantic love, or at least that’s what I was going to say.
You know what strikes me though? That romantic love humbles us in so many ways. What we won’t do for love.
Watch the scenes of crying on a bathroom floor, or on the carpet.
Watch your ego beg you not to say you are sorry while you know that this is the only thing that will make your partner feel seen in a moment like that.
Watch yourself feeling like a child without parents around to defend him or her and having to do the work alone. Damn it!
Just watch how you need to organise your thoughts in piles: what is programming, what are the loving thoughts, what is a real case of having to stand up for yourself and set boundaries, and how to do that best. How to listen to your partner and listen to yourself. Literally.
Me, with my Bipolar and ADHD and so much inner work done, I sometimes feel like “someone, please come, take my spot and do this”. Especially when I fight for something I already had to fight for in a previous relationship, or something you witnessed your parents fight over until you became scandalized, cornered and then numb.
You could think I’m in front of my man on the couch sounding reasonable, but inside I see an old ship ran over by pirates, thunder, and big waves and me trying to put the vessels down or up like a skilled captain who’s done it before, but no storm ever looks the same.
The pain, the frustration, the worries that you can’t do it right, that you can’t keep it together and that you will end up swimming in Titanic times. The love of your life in front of you looking like a villain, fighting for something as big or simply for the sake of fighting. For the sake of fighting, for the sake of fighting…
I cannot.
You see, I require from my partner a level of self awareness which only in those moments can really be put to the test. And my self love, Rachel, is so strong that there comes a time when a wishful outcome disappears. A moment in which you lose your faith in reconciliation. A painful moment when you know that this cannot be it and cannot be so.
The first one or two years of a relationship are a lot about who are we and laying a good foundation for the future. And Imma say it straight up: my love grows and flows when I see a man keep his eye on the goal. Like he is keeping his eyes on a football for an hour and a half no matter who, or from what team, is pushing it around. It must become a case of “it’s not that deep” at some point.
There is no way in fucking hell that we will build castles in the skies if one person lays the bricks and the other one fucks up the foundation or is not in the space to do a good job with that.
And I want to build castles in the skies, whether alone or with someone. I wanna watch the motherfucking butterflies, bees and unicorns flying around, at this point even a freaking rainbow in the background, ya feel me?
So yeah… it’s always until the next time. Those distances you walk together peacefully, where everyone can see the scenes described earlier so clearly, are depending on those Tom and Jerry fight scenes in a cloud, with thunder coming out, a leg here and a paw there.
I would love our fights to end like that and I want them to get shorter in time, and I hope time works that out. Because I outgrew a marriage in which the fights were getting longer and more next level about nothing, and again, I witnessed my whole childhood my parents doing the same thing, and I promised myself THAT I WILL DO BETTER.
Especially in front of a child…
Especially because I feel like time is running out when we fight instead of feeling like it’s on our side and fuck, I don’t want to be the only one confronted with that.
